Preggo Diaries: Let’s Talk Cravings.

Scribbles From A Shahzadi

Your head starts to hurt. a slight buzz of a headache. Chalk it up to preggo symptoms. I mean we have so many things happening in our bodies… its hard to say what’s related to pregnancy and what’s not. You paddle on over to the fridge to feed yourself breakfast.  Mom’s cooking… her amazingly concocted meals packed for you laced with grandma – lovin’ for the benefit of my unborn child.
Yes.  This should cure it.  I’m full – but not satisfied.  Something is amiss.  What could it be? How about some tea.  Maybe some fruit.  Banana, my favorite, since I conceived… come to mama.  Nope. That’s not it.

By now the buzzing has stopped… and now… it’s a whiney feeling.  Like a childish nagging.  Like when your mom promised you a toy for good behavior.  I still don’t know what I am feeling like eating.  Then like a tidal wave, stronger than any urge I have ever felt, I knew… Starbucks Lemon Raspberry loaf.  The lemony crumbly spongy cake marbled with tangy raspberry jam, with a dense white icing. Perfection. 

I must have it. I must have it right now. 

But it’s 11am. Calm down, let the hubz know, he’ll grab one on the way home from work. Simple. 

11:07am. What? It’s 11:07? Why is time only inching forward?  Maybe a nap. Yes. A nap is always a good idea. 

3:51pm. That nap was unsatisfactory. My face is feeling warm. My eyes brimming with tears… LEMON RASPBERRY LOAF.  LEMON RASPBERRY LOAF. LEMON RASPBERRY LOAF. I might die if I don’t have a bite. 

I might actually die. 

That’s it. I’m not going to wait. That 6 minute walk to my neighbourhood Starbucks was a 17 minute pregnant waddle. But I made it. I bought three slices. 

I broke off a piece. It had what seemed like the perfect ratio of cake to jam to icing. I was in heaven. I died, and went to heaven. 

Preggo cravings. I get it now. 


Preggo Diaries: What no one could have told me about being a preggo

It was probably around the 6 week mark.

After the initial shock and excitement of finding out that I was knocked up, I went into a trance almost.  everything seemed to slow down for me.  I was very aware of EVERYTHING around me.  My sense of smell – all time high.  My sense of taste – all kinds of crazy.  I was not able to eat most days.  This was a huge concern for me because… if you know me, I love to eat.  Also, all my life, I was under the impression that you get to “eat for two” – um. This is practically a right when you get pregnant! Isn’t it? Apparently not for me.

Early in my pregnancy, the hormones were raging and basically my body had no idea how to handle it.  I had never walked this path before.  Every day, I would wake up and get nauseous.  At first, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal seeing as I knew that most pregnant women go through some sort of nausea.  What no one could have told me about being a preggo was that in my particular case I would experience the following:

  • Extreme fatigue – I felt like my head was like an anvil and I just needed to sleep.  I would sleep any time i would see a bed, couch, car seat.  No one could keep me interested in staying awake.
  •  Migraines – my head would consistently hurt, and over the course of the day I would experience a full blown migraine complete with sound sensitivity.
  • ALL DAY sickness – I would wake up and the first thing I would do was throw up. Then anything I consumed over the course of the day would also be thrown up within fifteen minutes of consumption. Some days, this would really alarm me as I was concerned that I was not eating enough for my baby to be developing!  My mom was instrumental in telling me to suck it up and keep eating small meals, anything I could keep down, even if I only held it down for a little while.  It got to the point where I was throwing up about 14 times a day.  NO ONE TOLD ME THAT I WOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS!  See, for most people, the nausea and vomiting is not that horrible.  In my case in particular, this was my reality.  At the most extreme stage, I had to go to the hospital and get saline hydration treatment for 14 days.  This means I was hooked up to an IV for four hours a day to pump me full of fluids as I was throwing up so much I wasn’t able to keep any solids or liquids down.  No one could have prepared me for this as it’s different for everyone.
  • Sensitivity to smell – For the last six months, I had not been able to cook or be around when onions are being sautéed! And chicken? Forget about it! Chicken in the bane of my existence at this point in time. Who discovered that you could eat these foul? ( see what I did there? ;) My sister says that pregnancy has made me funnier lol) 
  • Effects of weather – Canadian weather is bipolar. One day it’s 20 degrees and sunny, thirty minutes later it’s 6 degrees and hailing golfballs. This is turn has turned my mood swings on to full throttle!  I feel myself get so happy sand chipper when the sun comes out but I feel like the world is going to crumble to smithereens the moment a dark cloud approaches in the distance! I know it’s super dramatic, it’s truly how I feel! Oh God! 


The point of writing this post was to kind of cronicle my experiences through this and open up the dialogue for other preggos/mommies to share their experiences. 

What did you experience in your pregnancy that you could never have known till you went through it? 


<3

Preggo Diaries: How Pregnancy had left me speechless!

In the last 24 weeks, I have watched my whole world flip on its axis.

Dramatic statement? Yes.

Exaggeration? No.

Let me explain. I am by nature an over-sharing individual. I am all about talking about how events in life effect me in big ways and in little ways, but when I came to know that the hubz and I were expecting our first child I literally was thrown into the whirlwind that is pregnancy.

The hubz and I had just started to talk about potentially adding a baby to our little yet crazy world. I mean we had JUST talked about it a month before I got knocked up so to speak…

Then in December of 2014, I was feeling under the weather and super unlike myself. I was told by a friend to take a test just to rule out pregnancy… But then the two lines appeared in the three minute wait time.

Our whole world changed in that three minutes. He was over the moon and so was I but that was the beginning of my speechlessness.

I told my parents soon after we found out! Read: over-sharing I mean I managed to stay mum for a week before I had to find a cute way to tell them! I gave my mom, dad and sister a onsie and they were all so happy they did not stop crying tears of joy for a while…
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Over the next few weeks, I went through classic pregnancy symptoms, nausea, morning all day sickness, lack of appetite, I was always exhausted, needing to eat very bland food… It wasn’t very exciting.

I wanted to tell people what I was going through but I wasn’t able to put it into words. The fact that I was carrying life was a daunting idea to wrap my head around. It was really humbling. In those initial moments when my body was not doing what I wanted it to, it basically went into a mode I frankly did not know it could ever go into. I was a carrier for this mass of cells working hard to flourish… And I had to do its bidding.

The first 15 weeks of my pregnancy were next to hellish. It took me completely by surprise. Zombie is the only word I can use to describe what I was living. This is a whole new topic, one I want to cover in a blog post all on its own. Let’s just say, that I am super glad I can eat food now.

I am happy to say I am almost through my second trimester and I couldn’t be more happy with the way the baby is developing! MashAllah.

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I am happy to say that over the last 24 weeks I have been sort of in a reflective state. Withdrawing from my need to over share on Facebook and Instagram and just lived the moments in this time, I have learned so much about myself, my husband, my family, my life in general that I would not have known otherwise.

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As I come to understand this whole experience I realize how important it is to share my experience. I know that every pregnancy is different, each mother is unique in the road she takes in her pregnancy, but I feel like there are a lot of similarities that should be shared and that is my goal for this series of entries!

Please send me your prayers and good vibes as you read more about my journey and I hope that I am able to at least speak to one mom-to-be in her walk towards a new chapter in life.

Goodbye 2014

It’s occurred to me that over the last year so much has happened that I don’t want to remember. The last year has been a roller coaster of peaks and valleys. Most of which has been an internal struggle for me, as I always pictured myself as someone who was fairly put together, however as the days unraveled in the year 2014, it became painfully obvious that I was on a search to find myself, again.

Having a few years of marriage under my belt I found myself searching for the individual that I thought I was. Somewhere along the way I realized that I am not what I wanted to be, I am not who I wanted to be, and I’m not doing things the way I wanted to do. And after much thinking I realized that… it’s okay.
It isn’t necessary to be who you wanted to be, or do what you wanted to do because somewhere along the line, life takes you for the ride that life is and I realize that in life has a plan for me. It takes a lot for me to admit I’m not in control, because if you know me, you know that I am a total control freak I need to plan crap out of everything.

So as I close out the year 2014 I want to admit that I am not in control and my life is uncertain and I know that the next year will be a whole new ball game of challenges.

But I am feeling optimistic.

This year has shown me so many things I am fortunate to have in my life, I have a beautiful family, an amazing husband who pulls out all the stops to make me laugh every single day… I have so many blessings that Allah has dropped into my life this year, that although it has been a challenging year for my personal growth, I cannot forget the happiness.

So many good things are going to grace us in 2015. I am excited. I am nervous. But most of all, I’m ready.

I wish all of us a fantastic new year! May all our hopes and dreams become a reality this coming year.

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I Need Some Sleep

The pain is a buzzing pain.  It’s a kind of pain that happens in the background. It does not come to the forefront for me to be able to resolve it.  It taunts me, doesn’t leave me alone.  It’s been following me around like a dark cloud.  I wake up with it.  I go to sleep to try to escape it.  I try to distract myself but nothing seems to make a difference.  I feel entirely by myself in this struggle.  Although I know that people are around me,  I am missing a part of me.

That void is creating this pain.

I don’t feel whole.  And that is something that is so hard to deal with.  I just don’t get it.

I have a wonderful family.  I have amazing parents, the perfect little sister, a great hubzter and not to mention the countless other individuals in my life that want good for me.  But I can’t shake this incredible feeling of spiraling further into a hole that I am afraid I might not be able to get out of.

It’s odd.  I don’t ever recall feeling so helpless and sad before in my life.  I am really trying to see the silver lining in my life, but I am just failing to do so.

Can sadness physically hurt? I know that my life is not progressing the way I had once planned… I know I had wanted to be in a different place, professionally and personally.  Neither of which are going my way as a result of forces I have absolutely no control over.  So if I know that I have no control over these aspects of my life, why am I feeling bent out of shape?  Why am I so unable to cope with this lack of direction?

This is by far the worst point in my life.  The idea that happiness is just a pipe dream is really taking a toll on me.  I didn’t want to write an entry on a blog, and open myself up to my family and friends and strangers alike.

I didn’t want to be judged or pitied.

But this is not letting me sleep.

I need some sleep.

Leaving My Passion ~ My Biggest Regret

I am usually a girl that makes BIG decisions on the fly.  I rely a lot on my gut.  I don’t know about you, but the prospect of not knowing what happens next excites me, elicits in me a spark of inspiration and wonder.  It’s like a brand new adventure with nooks and crannies yet to be discovered.

I decided I wanted to be with the man of my dreams forever a week after I met him.  I chose the place I wanted to live after one showing.  I bought my first home as if i went to buy a pair of shoes at the mall…

Basically, I jump into life’s crazy twists and turns without a harness or a safety net.

reget

I have yet to regret this trait of mine… till now.

A few months ago, I jumped into a career opportunity that was so far out of my comfort zone that for the first time, I felt like I leaped and did not land on solid ground.  This, has never happened to me.  I have always seemed to flourish in whatever new environment I find myself in.  Like water, I take the shape of the vessel I am in.  However, it did not pan out this way for me.  Everyday I am finding challenges that are chipping away at my resolve instead of lighting a fire within me to take on the new endeavors that are coming my way.

Initially, I had thought…why not? why not leave everything you have learned and become accustomed to and throw caution to the wind.  Try something totally new.  I knew it would challenge me; this new step. In my life,

I had come to think of working and employment in a very logical way.  To me, if I am working for anyone other than myself, I am replaceable.  I am just an employee that produces and gets compensated for my work.  In my mind I wanted to advance at a quick rate because I felt that in order to get noticed, I must work harder and quicker then the next girl because I wanted to make the money.  I used to look at opportunities in the monetary gain department.  I took the option that gave me the most money. The Hubzter never understood this.  Why do you have to ALWAYS go where the money is? Um… duh.. I want to live the “life”.  I want to enjoy the fruits of my labour…. yesterday.  Who cares about personal fulfillment?

And this is where I went wrong.

As I sit here, I confess that I made the wrong move.  I put money before happiness.  I put success before inner satisfaction.  And I cannot begin to explain how much regret I feel.  and the funny thing is… it’s not even THAT much more money.

Before you freak, I didn’t sell my soul to the devil or anything like that… but I somehow feel like I sold myself short.  I took too lightly my passions, and went in a different direction just because I felt like i would make more money in that industry.  I was wrong and i thoroughly regret it.   In fact, I wish I could take it all back.

Unfortunately, real life does not work that way…  I now know what I let go of… and I am going to put my heart and soul back into the search so that THIS TIME… i think a little harder before I throw myself into another twist of life…

Who knows? maybe I’ll redeem myself.

Simple Spicy Grilled Chicken & Summer Quinoa Salad

The Hubzter has been on a mission lately. He wants to get in shape for summer. He’s been working out hard and honestly, I’m so proud of him for always doing his best to live a healthy lifestyle! [He wants to maintain his boyish good looks as long as he can!]

Since I am not much of a “Worker-Outer” I tend to stay away when he’s off bench pressing or worse… Cardio. [dude, you asked for a life partner, nowhere does it say anything about running partner on the contract I signed]. In an effort to help both myself and his efforts, I have been working on how to incorporate healthier options into our meals.

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Spicy Grilled Chicken & Summer Quinoa Salad

I also find that eating healthy is the summer is so much easier to do with a grill! So today? I’m going to share with you a recipe that I loved making and had the Hubz go back for seconds, without feeling the guilt.

For the Chicken:
2 boneless chicken breasts
2 tsp of Dijon mustard
1 tbsp of soy sauce
Splash of Worcestershire sauce
0.5 tsp of red chilli powder
Salt & pepper to taste

In a bowl put the chicken in and dump all the ingredients on top of it. Then massage the chicken with the marinade. Put the chicken in the fridge overnight to let the spices do their magic!

THE NEXT DAY

Preheat your grill to 400oC. Place your chicken breast on the grill and make sure you hear the sizzle! That means the grill is the perfect temperature. Close the cover of the grill and let it cook away!
After about six to seven minutes, turn the chicken 45 degrees and place it back in the grill to give your chicken some crisscross grill marks [I know, very gourmet of me]
That should be another minute and a half. Then flip and do the same on the other side. This time leave it for 5 minutes.
Once the chicken had cooked through, take it off the grill and set aside.

For the Quinoa:
3 cups quinoa, cooked [follow cooking directions on the package]
1 large carrot, chopped
1 small red onion, chopped
2 cups baby spinach, chopped
1 can of sweet corn
1 small head of broccoli, chopped
1 large handful of cilantro, chopped
Juice of one large lemon
3tbsp extra virgin olive oil
Spices to taste:
– Dried basil, dried oregano, red pepper flakes, salt and pepper

Combine all the ingredients, toss and Done!
Slice up the chicken breast and serve along side a hearty helping of the salad!

Enjoy! Let me know if you try this recipe out!

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